Unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. Men and women are been raised to objectify each other and to objectify their relationships which then makes our partners often see us as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.
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Here are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything.
- THE RELATIONSHIP SCORECARD: The “keeping score” card is when someone you’re dating continues to blame you for past mistakes you made in the relationship. Your partner must recognize that by choosing to be with you as their significant other, they are choosing to be with all of your prior actions and behaviours. If they don’t accept those, then ultimately, they are not accepting you.
- BUYING THE SOLUTIONS TO RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one partner covers it up with buying something nice or flashy instead of dealing with the problem and talking about what it will take to rebuild the trust broken. You cannot buy the solutions, you have to talk about them.
- DISPLAYS OF “LOVING” JEALOUSY: Getting pissed off when your partner talks, calls, texts or hangs out with another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control their behaviour is just not sane, it is downright toxic. You need to trust your partner because excessive jealousy is a sign of your own insecurity and low self-esteem.
- BLAMING YOUR PARTNER FOR YOUR OWN EMOTIONS: Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs. The difference between being supportive of your partner and being obligated to your partner is very subtle but important.
- HOLDING THE RELATIONSHIP HOSTAGE: It’s fine to get upset at your partner or to not like something about them and that’s called being a normal human being but understand that committing to a person and always liking a person is not the same thing so threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole because of what you don’t like is unacceptable.
- DROPPING “HINTS” AND OTHER PASSIVE-AGGRESSION: Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, you decide to do the passive-aggressive dance. That is not fair to both parties. It is advisable to state your feelings and desires openly and find a way to deal, fix or stop it from re-occurring