The 5 Stages of Love: Not Stopping at Number 3

All of us want real, lasting love, whether we are in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, or even 50’s. Yet too many relationships fall apart and most people don’t know why. In the 5 Stages of Love, too many people stop at Stage 3 believing that they have chosen the wrong partner.

They don’t understand that Stage three of the five stages of love is not the end, but the real beginning for achieving real, lasting love.

Stage 1: Falling in LoveFalling in love is a trick by nature to get humans to pick a mate so that we can procreate thereby multiply. It also feels great because we project all our hopes and dreams on our lover. We build castles in the air and think that they will fulfill all of our desires, give us all the things we didn’t get as children, deliver on all the promises our earlier relationships failed to fulfill.
Stage 2: Becoming a CoupleAt this stage, love deepens and you both can be termed together as a couple. It’s the time when the bond deepens and develops. It’s a time of togetherness and joy. We learn what our partner likes and we make room in our individual lives to begin developing a life together. During this phase, there’s less of the falling head-over-heels “in love” feelings. We feel more bonded with our partner. We feel warm and cuddly. We feel close and protected. We often think this is the highest level in the love chart and we expect it to go on forever. We are often blind-sided by the turn-around of stage three.
Stage 3: DisillusionmentNo one tells couples about Stage three in understanding love. Stage three is where too many relationships see the beginning of the end. This is a period where things begin to feel like they are rotten. It sometimes can occur slowly or feel like someone flipped a switch and everything went dark. We feel less loved and cared for. We feel trapped and want to escape. We become more irritable and angry, or hurt and withdrawn. You long for what you once had, but you are not sure where it went, or even how to get it back. Your partner wants out, or sometimes you can go on “existing together,” but without really feeling intimate. If you can make it past this stage, the next stages can be truly rewarding.
Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love

One of the gifts or rewards of confronting the unhappiness in Stage three is we can get to the core of what causes the series of pain and conflict. Ongoing research from The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study demonstrates conclusively that childhood trauma can impact our physical, emotional and relational health.
Stage 5: Using the Power of love to Change the WorldWe all know that the world is not doing too well, it’s in our faces via the news. There are continuous wars and conflicts. Racial violence seems to be everywhere. We wonder whether humans can survive. If we all can learn to overcome your differences with our partners and find real, lasting love in our relationships, perhaps there is a chance that we all can work together to start the process of finding real, lasting love in the world.