In these past weeks, Nigeria has gone through a phase regarding abuse on women. Some of these issues range from sexual to physical abuse and it is such a great milestone to see Nigerians bring this out and make sure everyone gets justice.
This post is for all the women who have gone through abusive, negative or brutal relationships in the past, who want to be able to love again but find it hard to because of their past.
Here are a few things to note before you start a new relationship and make sure you have this list in your heart before you let yourself in that relationship.
Are you ready?
READ ALSO: 6 Common Mistakes That End Relationships
- Make sure you don’t have any pent up aggressionA lot of times when people hurt us and break our hearts, more than pain, we feel angry and the anger is mostly at ourselves for loving them, for trusting them and since we don’t have them around anymore we tend to direct our anger at other people who love us.
- Make sure you’re not surrounded by a shellOur main defence mechanism as humans is to protect ourselves the minute we get hurt and then immediately withdraw into ourselves and refuse to leave. It’s not fair to the new person in your life if you’ve already surrounded yourself with a shell. You need to make yourself vulnerable and I can assure you that the rewards are bountiful when you finally achieve it.
- Make sure you can give it your all againYou need to realize that it is okay to be alone and that you do not need someone to make you feel good about yourself. When you have come to that realization, you are now ready to start a new relationship, because you love yourself enough and can direct yourself to love somebody completely and give them your 100%.
- Make sure your closet is cleanYour past will always catch up with you as long as you try to run away from it. The best and sensible thing you can do is to embrace your past, deal with it, live with it in such a way that it does not influence any of your relationships. I know this is easier said than done but it’s something that is absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship.
- Make sure you can trust againAll scars accumulated in relationships heal, but the ones caused by your trust been broken, take the longest to heal. So before you start a new relationship, make sure you have given yourself time to heal and develop the ability to trust again. Remember, if you are not willing to trust again, you will never be able to build a lasting relationship with anyone.
- Make sure you don’t forget the lessonsHave you ever heard the phrase ‘Experience is the best teacher’? Humans learn on the basis of trial and error and without that, we would just be utterly lost. Making mistakes isn’t the worst thing that you can do, rather, the worst thing you can do is to not learn from them. We all make the mistake of guilt-tripping ourselves for the times we have hurt someone, learn to not guilt-trip yourself, instead learn to never make the same mistake again.
- Make sure you’re willing to forgiveYou can never move on from the pain of a past relationship if you are not willing to forgive and forget. When someone hurts you, one of the most painful things to do is to forgive them, but, it’s also one of the strongest things a person can do. You are forgiving them not because they deserve it but for yourself.