The key to a happy relationship lies in focusing on what you can control and tolerating the rest. That is the very first step towards the happy relationship we all want it. Sometimes it feels elusive to people who have been in a relationship for long, but it is actually in abundance. All you need is the ability to focus on controlling what you can control.
We sometimes focus on the things we cannot handle or control, forgetting, daily, that the key to our happiness in our relationships is focusing on what we can control.
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I’m sure the next question is what are the things we can control? Here are some of them
- Our feelings toward our spouse: This one is like basic ABC abi. So no need to explain it. Thank you.
- Our words: There is a saying about words being like eggs and when they fall, you cannot pack it back. You can control, how you speak to your partner at every and anytime.
- Our health habits: You cannot control your partner’s health habits but you can certainly control yours. So if you want your partner to eat healthy, you should start eating healthy too
- Our communication skills: Aunty, Uncle, you can control how you communicate. Do not hide under the umbrella of ‘this is how I am’ and then you’ll be behaving somehow instead of just saying it outright what the issue is
- Our work ethic: Basic work ethics should be known and that you can apply and be in control of. Do not be sloppy.
- Our relationship with our partner’s family: You may not be able to control how your partner’s family relate with you but you certainly can control how you respond. You do not have to always do fire for fire aka Mr or Miss Brigadier General.
- How we spend our time: Instead of focusing on how your partner spends their time which you certainly cannot control, why don’t you spend it on something you can control; how you spend your own time.
- How often we do the dishes: I put this one there because I hear say e dey cause fight for some people. Most people will just assume that a woman should do the dishes because it is a tradition and that is how it is being done. Since it is causing a fight, why don’t you two sit down and have a discussion about it? Or the other person who has not done it in a long time should do it, at least for a bit.
This is a great way to control what you can control (the state of your heart) without worrying so much about what you can’t (your spouse). This technique and mindset will help you again and again when big and little frustrations arise.
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