How To Reduce Shyness While Speaking: How To Stay Calm In Social Situations


Social shyness is a problem that afflicts many. If you’ve ever felt nervous at parties, weddings, or similar then you have some insight into just how difficult social shyness can be to come to terms with.

Any apparent, or perceived failure in making friends, holding conversation or something similar means that your social shyness is re-inforced and it can lead to a damaging, re-inforcing circle.

What can you do to stop constant anxiety and fear? Is it possible to stop panic attacks without medication?

The answer is to try and become less absorbed in yourself and more interested in the other person – not easy to do if you are worried and are sweating, but bear in mind these ideas.

The most important of all is to try and be genuinely engaged by other people. Make sure you ask about them, their interests and hobbies and make a conscious effort to store and memorize the detail. Ask open ended follow up questions that will allow them to talk. For most people, the most fascinating topic is themselves – and if you have social shyness you’d much rather chat about them than you, and how tough you are finding the whole process of just being at a social engagement. It’s a win win for both parties!

So try and have less of “I” in your conversation

The other thing you can do to improve your social shyness and anxiety is to do some focusing elsewhere. Try imagining what it would be like to have a great time, to feel energetic than nervous, or to hold a really interesting chat with somebody. These visualization techniques beforehand can certainly help and will hopefully work, eventually, on an unconscious level.


Just thinking about these social situations can make someone become frightened and anxious if they are dealing with overcoming social anxiety.

With social anxiety, there is an underlying fear of being judged, becoming a public embarrassment and being scrutinized. You may feel you will be laughed at for making some social mistake or not responding in just the right way.

Social anxiety is not simply shyness – but more like fear, but not exactly fear. Fear is simply when you know what you are afraid of. Anxiety in other hand is what you feel when there may be some kind of threat. Social anxiety is when you are anxious and not comfortable around people because of the threat of what might happen.

A lot of people who suffer from shyness and social anxiety are extremely self-conscious and are very self-critical. This also stems from irrational thinking. Logically you know that these negative thoughts are not true, so don’t buy into them.

One final tip – try doing some preparation in having topics you can talk about. Check out newspapers, or Google Hot Trends for what’s “hot” right now and get some thoughts together. It will all help you focus on something other than your social shyness.



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